Sometimes I think the voices in my head need some prozac

Somedays I find myself saying…Do people actually want to read my ramblings? It all sounded so clever in my head and on paper It appears that I’m maybe just a little crazy afterall. I feel classy, trassy and sassy all bundeled up into one big package they call Ashley.

And so it begins…I guess this whole idea started after hearing the all-too-common phrase, “you should write about that!” Should I? Really…Serisously? So.. I’m writing about “that.” The crazy, wonderful, beautifully chaotic thing I call life. At 20, I find myself working as the reporter for an established paper, happily married and the mother of two; two absolutely hysterical and sometimes terribly frustrating labs. The husband, he’s great. He’s got all these ideas, ambitions and goals. Something I know I once had; I think I just need to find them again.

My husband Tyler recently decided to enlist in the Army National Guard. Something I find so noble and wonderful; just something I couldn’t find myself doing. He’s been working very hard and he seems excited about his endeavors and I am more proud of him than I could even begin to explain. I think the first time I see him in uniform, my heart might explode and I may burst into tears..but I’ll be alright. Promise. I think I’ll be fine while he’s away. Actually, I know I will. Although I will miss him with all my heart, there are plenty of things I have been wanting to do, just haven’t ever got around to. My goals so far: Continue with my modeling, maybe do something very wonderful, something he will be proud of. I want that. I want to be able to say, “Hey everybody, Look what I did!” I’d like to start taking a dance class. All through high school I was a cheerleader. I loved every bit of it, but I never had an ounce of coordination. I think I’ll take ballet. Yes, ballet. I’ve always envied ballerinas. Every fluid movement, full of grace and poise. Maybe I’ll take pilates too. I’d like to loose a little more weight, tone up some and finally do that bikini shoot I’ve been longing for. Maybe I’ll paint the house, or do some other drastic improvement he’ll be totally surprised and delighted with. I’d love to score an internship with some big newstation and tape some demos. I’ve always wanted to be an on-air reporter. For now, I think that’s enough goals.. Don’t want to get ahead of myself.

Back to current life…Christmas is just what…a week away? I have nothing done! Literaly, I have like, a couple of presents. That’s just unacceptable. I don’t know what I was thinking! I’ve never been a Christmas procrastinator. So, Friday I am desingating shopping day. Along with 50 million other Americans who like-me, waited until the last minute. Who knows..Maybe I won’t get trampled in the wal-mart or get run over by any carts. Most likely, I will. Something ridiculous like that happens to me almost daily.

Speaking of ridiculous. I’ve been wanting to get something off my chest. I know I live in a small town, but DAMN. Some people are sooooo nosy. And because the town is so incredibly small and close knit. I’m going to call her Nosy-Rosy, just so no one gets their feelings hurt. Just the other day, she had the audacity to say, “Miss Ashley, I heard that just the other day someone saw you….Smoking?????” Just then, I wanted to take the ridiculously large purse I was carrying and smack Nosy-Rosy up against the side of the head. Possibly tackle her, and pull off her imaginary wig, The voice inside me was saying, “Are you (*&&*^*&^8 kidding me? Is this a serious question.” I know everyone in the WORLD, yes I said it. WORLD, has bad habits. Whether you bite your nails, chew on pens, don’t wash your hands after you pee or don’t use your blinker- I know you do it. Do I call you out in public and ask why you would do such a thing? Absolutely not. I know I have a bad habit… It’s not like I smoke a pack-a-day. It’s occasional!!! Occasionally when people piss me off…Occassionally when I am relaxing…Occasionally whenever I WANT! The little voice on my other shoulder then cautiously reminded me to think of where I was in this particular moment, take a deep breath and say oh-sooo-politely, “I don’t think that’s any of your business.” Okay, so it wasn’t all that polite. But it sure was better than what I wanted to say. Sometimes I think the voices in my head need some prozac.